Make peace person to person, then nation to nation. That’s what Piero Massimo Forni, founder of the Johns Hopkins Civility Project, believes. He sees being considerate as the foundation for everything from the environmental movement to women’s rights. He’s talking manners, courtesy, etiquette, and civility.
Forni’s book, “Choosing Civility: The Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct” talks about the soft power of politeness. Forni’s philosophy of politness has given birth to many programs on politeness and civility, one such program is the Howard County Library’s refrigerator magnets “Choose Civility” featured below.
As a result of Forni’s efforts to get the word out about civility through talks, newspaper columns, radio and TV appearances, similar programs have been established in Minnesota, Ohio and Florida.
In the mid-1990’s, uncivil behavior became evident to Forni. (This is the same time-period when I noticed the increasing rudeness of drivers in the Northern Virginia area. I wrote Letters to the Editor and made numerous stops at the Reston Police Department imploring them to take action on the rude driver problem before it became unmanageable. They might not remember me, but I’m sure my words still ring in their ears. They didn’t listen, and Road Rage ensued, its name coined to give a term identifying the new ugly-thinking, rude, and belligerent behaviors.) This rude behavior spilled over into other areas as well; store clerks, restaurant help, phone callers, office receptionists. It showed up in TV shows and movies which, in turn, affected school children. The Era of Rude had been born.
This Era of Rude didn’t die. In fact, it has grown to monster size – and shows no sign of ailing, withering, or death rattle.
If you’re wondering what civility and manners have to do with the disintegration of polite society and increase in violence, here’s what Dr. Forni has to say about it:
“Acts of violence are often the result of an exchange of acts of rudeness that spiral out of control. Disrespect can lead to bloodshed. By keeping the levels of incivility down we keep the levels of violence down…. If we teach youngsters in all walks of life how to manage conflict with civility-based relational skills, we will have a less uncivil society, a less violent one.” (emphasis mine)
Here’s some tips on how Forni puts the fires of discord out:
1. Use unchallenging “I statements” during encounters.
2. Workers who bring problems to Supervisors should also bring solutions.
3. After asking politely for someone to stop annoying behavior, turn and stare at person until bad behavior stops.
4. Using good manners are good for us because they help us manage our relationships.
5. Congeniality and consideration for others can decrease cardiovascular
and high blood pressure problems.
6. When Man notices the deterioration of civility, he can take a hand in making it better.
You can read the rest of the article in The Christian Science Monitor here.
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